Lesson 30
Personalities and Relationships
Luke 10:38-42
“What Makes You Tick” a book by Mels Carbonnel expresses my feelings. For years I have been fascinated with why people are what they are. I think that is why I enjoy biographies as much as I do. Usually, they are written about those who have accomplished a great deal in life. They have come from all kinds of backgrounds. Many came from the poorest of living conditions, but they did not allow their beginning hold them back. I especially admire George Washington who in spite of having only the equivalent of an elementary education went on to be General of the Army during the Revolutionary War and later first president of the United States.
What was it that not only made them what they were, but each of us who we are. Part of the equation is personality. It is our makeup and how we relate to people. Besides knowing our spiritual gifts it is important to know our own personality. It is a case of what we do with the giftedness God has given to us in light of our personality. It is the part of us that either attracts or repels people. Quite often we get along with people who are like us. Introverts and extroverts, for instance, do not mingle as well unless each can accept the differences between them.
I mentioned Mels Carbonnel. He developed a tool called “Uniquely You” which helps a person discover his or her personality and spiritual gifts. In his profile he lists for four different types of personalities. His method is called DISC. Each one of us has a dominant or a combination of types of personality traits. I will share these types as we look at our text for today.
Churches have a personality. It is what we would call the culture of a particular body. Those outside of a congregation may describe us in different ways. Some might say that we are friendly and welcoming. Others might look at us as cold and aloof. We have a tendency to always picture ourselves in a positive light.
Another way that this same idea has been expressed is as a church’s DNA. Our own personal DNA tells a lot about us from our physical makeup to how and why we think as we do. Although no two people have the same we learn to relate to each other despite our differences. This is what people see as they look at the corporate body is a group of diverse individuals brought together by a common cause. God made each of us different, but has also united us in Christ.
Luke 10:38
The incident recorded below actually occurred in the village of Bethany. John 11:1 tells us that it was the home of not only Martha and Mary but of their brother also. The location was about two miles east of Jerusalem on the Mt. of Olives. One commentator had the timing of the trip sometime in December prior to the upcoming Passover when Jesus would be crucified. He had stopped at their home for a little time of rest before the coming of an ever increasing persecution which He was to experience.
Martha was probably the owner of the home in which her sister and Lazarus also lived. Evidently, her brother was not there at that time because he was not mentioned. She was the one who welcomed Jesus into the house. Not only was her brother not there but there is also no mention of her brother.
Jesus had come away from the crowds for a time of rest among friends. Throughout the Scriptures there are other mentions of leaders who had their friends or were called friends of God. David had his Hushai. (2 Samuel 15:37, 1 Chronicles 27:33) Solomon, who had everyone, needed a friend. Zahud filled that role for him. For these men their friends were men upon whom they rely and in whom they could confide. It was one thing to be called a court official and entirely different thing to be called a friend. Abraham (2 Chronicles 20:7; Isaiah 41:8; James 2:23) and Moses (Exodus 33:11) were both considered friends of God.
At that point Jesus did not even identify his disciples as friends. That would not occur until they were in the upper room the night before Jesus was crucified. He said to them, “I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)
- Why would Jesus stop at the home of Martha and Mary? (It was a safe haven for Him among friends.)
- Why did Jesus need friends when He had so many people surrounding Him? (He needed someone who demanded nothing from Him in any way.)
- What does the fact that even David and Solomon needed a friend say to us?
- How can we be considered friends of God? (When we have the deep longing to be in communion with Him and are willing to hear what He wants to tell us.)
- Why did Jesus not call the disciples friends until the last night? (It was at that point when they would be in communion with the Father.
Luke 10:39-40
These two verses show the sharp contrasts in the personality of Mary and Martha. Mary is seen as content to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to His words. Her sister on the other hand was one who thought that in order to show her love for her friend was to take care of His physical needs, like food and a place to sleep. Her frustration with Mary spilled over and she wanted Jesus to reprimand her for not helping with all of the preparations.
Using Mels Carbonnel’s profile of DISC, Martha would be a D type personality. One who is a type D is very active and characteristically dominant, decisive, driving and demanding. Her sister would be possibly be a CS and more passive in nature. The characteristics of a person like her would be competent, compliant, cautious, correct, submissive, steady, sensitive and shy.
The characteristics were very evident when their brother Lazarus died. (John 11) When Jesus arrived after four days it was Martha who rushed out to meet Him with a confrontational attitude. She wanted to let Him know that He should have been there to help. Jesus responded by calming her and telling her everyone was going to turn out alright. Even at the tomb she kept questioning the possibility that Jesus could help at that point.
Mary, however, remained in the home with those who had come to mourn with the two sisters. She only went out to meet Jesus when Martha indicated that He was asking for her. Her approach was different even though her opening words were the same. She fell at His feet in worship and submission.
- In what ways were the sisters different?
- What attributes do you admire in Martha? (She was full of energy and got results from her activity.)
- What might be a criticism of her and others like her?
- Why do you either like her or are critical of her?
- What type of person does she represent? (The entrepreneur, athlete etc.)
- What is the danger for her and those like her? (They may focus on the wrong thing.
- How do you feel about Mary?
- Which of the two are you most alike?
Luke 10:41-42
Jesus answered Martha in a way to help her refocus on what was important. He let her know that she did not need to wear herself out making preparations for Him. The thing He needed more than anything else at that point was true companionship. By his words He was indicating that she was missing out on what was important. As He had told his disciples before they would always have the poor with them but He would not be with them in His earthly body. (Matthew 26:11) He was then telling her the same thing. There would always be beds to made, dust to be gotten up and meals to be fixed. Those moments with Jesus were precious and could never be gotten back once they were gone. Mary understood that there was only one important thing. By her actions Mary displayed what true friendship looked like. She was content to remain at the Master’s feet. With all of her busyness it the very thing Martha was missing. Sitting at the feet of Jesus Mary listened. She had the sensitivity to not want to miss a single word that would come from the lips of Jesus. More important than all Martha had been doing, what Mary learned could never be taken away from her.
- What did Jesus want Martha to understand?
- What would she miss out on by continuing her activity?
- When is the time when we are able to discern what God is saying to us?
- What did Mary understand?
- How many precious moments with God have you missed by all of your frantic activity?
- What quality of being a true friend did Mary exhibit? (Listening)
- How is taking part in some activities sometimes detrimental to your growing as a disciple?
- What does it mean in your own personal walk in the Lord to meditate and memorize God’s Word?
- How do you want to live your life accomplishing great things in the world or acquiring that which will last for eternity?
- Discover the type of personality you are. This can be done formally through personality surveys and informally by asking those who know you well how they picture you.
- Try to make different kinds of friends, those for recreation and others for those serious times when you want to understand God’s word.
- Do not get so involved in activities no matter how good that you miss those important moments of meditation and reflection.
- Be willing to listen to others quietly. They may need someone like you.
- Most important is to listen to what God wants to tell us through His living word.
- Understand the proverb which says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) Make every effort to cultivate that kind of friendship.
There is a tendency in churches to develop lots of ministries thinking that they need to meet every need. Eventually they will find out that doing so is impossible, because there will always be something they missed. There is a danger of burning out the people the church has to serve. It is of greater benefit to keep what we do simple. There is actually a book out written by Thom Rainer with the title, “Simple Church.” In that book, he speaks of centering all ministries around the vision God has given and leave everything else for other churches to do. Andy Stanley in
“Deep and Wide” provides some good advice. He states that there is one question that should be asked before beginning or continuing a ministry. It is “What is the best way to_____. Every church needs to fill in the blank for themselves. The bottom line is that everything we or any church does should be based on the Word of God. We all can be so busy that we forget that His message to us is the most important thing we need to know. Let us make it the core of who we are.